Whom am I kidding?

Am pretty stupid to even believe that in the first place. And, now here I am. Miraculous 72 hours can turn a person upside down!
Now all you need is to ruffle up my happiness to keep yourself happy.
Why can't we both be happy? How difficult is that? But, you want it only one way, your way.
So, I have to lose my integrity for this!

What have I got myself into? Why did I not see it coming?
I knew it was there, but I chose to be blind. I chose to think that everything will iron itself out.
I chose to think that you would be there for me. I chose to think that it will soon be over.

Whom am I kidding?

Finding Love

Finding love. Unconditional love. Passionate love. Affection. Compassion.

Is it so difficult? Asking to be loved is a crime?
Asking to be accepted or appreciated for your affection is not acceptable?
One cannot reciprocate affection?

Is it easy to be loving or be indifferent and cold towards people who are caring?
Finding someone who loves you is so difficult…..

Please speak

Silence is disturbing
Especially the ones which means “I-wonder-if-we-should”

Allow me this chance to stop asking the question again
I have reached a point of no return and your silence is scary
Hope you would make a good decision and make us the see the dream come true…
Please……

Waited…Waiting…

Sad it turns out to be this way.
So much for feeling happy that this day would be grand!!
But end up getting sore day.

Forty eight hours of yearning to see you
Turned out to be this way
Disappointed that you didn’t call her to see you in the morning
Your favorite blue failed to wipe the blues off your mindS
tale statements still afresh in minds
One hoping the other would get better
Situations and words didn’t help either
Made the matter worseMay be it isn’t worse
But the mood isn’t glad
Thinking and thinking, the fish goes deep into the sea
To hideHide from what?
Wishing she can control her ire
She keeps her fingers crossed

Wanna join me for a smoke??

Today

“Are you eating outside food?”
“Past seven years am surviving on outside food, haven’t had any problems”
“Are you exposed to the sun a lot”
“No” She was thinking about her cozy air conditioned office, her lovable corner seat and the work hours!!!! Mmmmmmmmm… No exposure to sun…
“Do you have work tension”
“Noooo” She dragged on the ‘o’. Work tension was there, now its peaceful. Touchwood, she thought for herself.
So it started and the volley of questions continued for another fifteen minutes.

End result, she is on sleeping pills.
Wonderful.

She downed the small yellow pill with water and hit the bed. She had a sound sleep, but after tossing and turning umpteen times.

Sleeping pills. Feels good.

Yesterday

Things just happen the way you don’t want them to happen.
People send lousy texts not understanding the exact situation you are in. Can’t blame them though, but still feel quite upset when you receive one. Does one go ahead explain the situation and justify or let the other to wonder whatever it is!
Get to read the not so happening, pathetic news.
Worst of all is getting to feel rejected. When you are turned down and simply blame it on the circumstances.
May be I would do the same, should I be on the other side.
But will I??Ooofff…. These Will I? Wont I? Should I? Shouldn’t I? Can I? really eats you up!!Why should one think so much….. may be that’s how it is. Again… may be!!
All these lil questions make the already miserable feeling lousy. Very lousy.

Hope never dies

He is hoping that everything would get fine at his home. His wife would start to understand him. He would understand his wife and bring peace back home. His daughter would have a happy family to grow with. His mother would be happy to be with her son.
He is trying his best to make things right and hoping for the best.
Hope never dies.

She hopes that she can be with him. Be an understanding partner and give him mental solace. Grow old together. No, why such thoughts. She hopes that she didn’t meet him at all. If she hadn’t met him, she wouldn’t be in this situation. He is genuine. She can’t let other thoughts develop over him.
She just hopes for the best, but whether for her own good or for him, is something she is unsure of.
Hope never dies.

He is unable to figure out what is wrong at which front. Everything was right, if not perfectly right, but right to an extent. Where is the flaw that the whole picture seems to be going out of sync? He hopes that he wouldn’t lose his confidence and he would be able to fight it out. He wishes it would fall in place.
He hopes for the best.
Hope never dies.

Cloud of confusion seems to be clearing for her. She can hope, but what can and should happen will happen, not all what she dreams. She has no right to make him feel guilty or add up to the mental confusion he is in. Though she still wants him, she should not express it out. Its better to mask it and bury within her than to share it and hurt the other. Let the hurt be borne by her. Hope never dies.
But the hope in her mind should die. But is that what she wants??